Me.
I wanted to write about an amazing experience I had on the train the other day. However, certain things are standing in the way of my being able to articulate thy story as I think God intends it to be written. I am frustrated when I can't write. So, I thought I'd write about those things standing in the way.
In one word, "Me" is standing in the way.
Me is a weak and wounded sinner who can't get a grip on age old struggles: disappointment, fear, rage, resentment, denial, loneliness.
Me is wondering what God would say if he could call Me right now for a chat. Me wants to ask God when I would rather take the easy road than the narrow road. Me is tired of talking to the white walls of this bedroom. Me is too easily distracted by fleshly desires and earthly wants. Me spends most of her time convinced that if Me just had THIS area sorted out, or THAT relationship at a different stage of development, or THE OTHER empty places filled with seemingly innocent desires of my heart, then Me would be happy.
Me loves the Psalms, because something about the way David expresses the radical extremes Me swings between in one week. Me can be completely at peace and content in one moment, only to be totally thrown off course the next moment. Me is easily offended, distrusting of pretty much everyone, has such strong emotions about pretty much everything, and hates being misunderstood.
God tells Me that these are part of living life on life's terms. Like most people, Me spent years of life running from the pain that comes with breathing air...with being alive in this world. Me is real hard on herself, and because Me expects perfection of herself, she subconsciously expects the same of a world that will never be perfect. From a race that will never be perfect.
Me longggggs for heaven, methinks. Me lights up when people read scripture about Mount Zion. Me relates to something promised in that life...some part of Me knows that these earthly longings will only be fulfilled in Zio . But me is VERY impatient. God tells Me he has set eternity in our hearts, but Me doesn't want to wait that long.
Me=Ashley.
(as i typed out this blog, I got a call from a 15 year old boy mother and father both died recently. He has lived on the street as long as I have known him, 5 1/2 years now. He called to say he had been hit by a car and was injured. His cousin then got on the phone and said she didn't know how he got my number. I said he knows it from memory, to which she replied "he can't remember anything about the accident but he still remembered your number." somehow that one sentence spoke to my critical-of-Ashley spirit and said "hush child, don't be afraid. Soon wr will be in Zion. Oh Jesus, come!! Until that day, His grace is sufficient.)
"during the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with LOuD CRIES to the one who could save him from death, an he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered, and once made perfect became the source of eternal salvation for all who believe." Hebrews 5.7-8
In one word, "Me" is standing in the way.
Me is a weak and wounded sinner who can't get a grip on age old struggles: disappointment, fear, rage, resentment, denial, loneliness.
Me is wondering what God would say if he could call Me right now for a chat. Me wants to ask God when I would rather take the easy road than the narrow road. Me is tired of talking to the white walls of this bedroom. Me is too easily distracted by fleshly desires and earthly wants. Me spends most of her time convinced that if Me just had THIS area sorted out, or THAT relationship at a different stage of development, or THE OTHER empty places filled with seemingly innocent desires of my heart, then Me would be happy.
Me loves the Psalms, because something about the way David expresses the radical extremes Me swings between in one week. Me can be completely at peace and content in one moment, only to be totally thrown off course the next moment. Me is easily offended, distrusting of pretty much everyone, has such strong emotions about pretty much everything, and hates being misunderstood.
God tells Me that these are part of living life on life's terms. Like most people, Me spent years of life running from the pain that comes with breathing air...with being alive in this world. Me is real hard on herself, and because Me expects perfection of herself, she subconsciously expects the same of a world that will never be perfect. From a race that will never be perfect.
Me longggggs for heaven, methinks. Me lights up when people read scripture about Mount Zion. Me relates to something promised in that life...some part of Me knows that these earthly longings will only be fulfilled in Zio . But me is VERY impatient. God tells Me he has set eternity in our hearts, but Me doesn't want to wait that long.
Me=Ashley.
(as i typed out this blog, I got a call from a 15 year old boy mother and father both died recently. He has lived on the street as long as I have known him, 5 1/2 years now. He called to say he had been hit by a car and was injured. His cousin then got on the phone and said she didn't know how he got my number. I said he knows it from memory, to which she replied "he can't remember anything about the accident but he still remembered your number." somehow that one sentence spoke to my critical-of-Ashley spirit and said "hush child, don't be afraid. Soon wr will be in Zion. Oh Jesus, come!! Until that day, His grace is sufficient.)
"during the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with LOuD CRIES to the one who could save him from death, an he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered, and once made perfect became the source of eternal salvation for all who believe." Hebrews 5.7-8
i love you and your ♥ my dear friend. i see a lot of my me in your me. being human sucks sometimes, yeah? but all of the things you described are the threads that form the fabric of our beings. do you want to be a dull, grey piece of flannel or a vibrant and shiny piece of satin?
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