What it’s like...

To leave again.


Well, we will have been in the USA for 17 month on the dot the day we leave for Southeast Asia. So much has happened, and yet our lives in Cape Town feel like just a breath away. Our entire season in America has been marked by the decision that it was a temporary step in a journey our family is on. It wasn’t permanent, although many times we were tempted to make it be so.

What is it like to leave again, this time after our longest season in the States in 15 years? I don’t really have words, except to say that there is this mixture of intense grief and loss, AND this feeling that saying goodbye has become so so normal, it almost feels easier than it should. Goodbye has become such a part of our vocabulary.

But that doesn’t happen in isolation. For every goodbye, there was a glorious hello preceding it, which means that there are more hellos awaiting us on the other side. Life is so transient, we are but a vapor, and the Smeddle family has been PRIVILEGED to spend our lives with so many wonderful people. We count it joy. But joy is what it is because of its opposite. Joy can’t exist without sadness and loss. We have them both in our hearts as we go.

Today was my mother’s birthday. I watched my son have the time of his life with people he loves, and as we loaded up into the car I said “say goodbye, JP” and he said it without a second thought. And my heart broke. For JP, goodbyes have meant so much. His world moves and shifts all the time, and while he loves so intensely, he also has no idea what’s coming next week. The experience of leaving is so much harder with children. 

Over all of this is an overarching anticipation of the NEW THING God is doing. I am so desperate for life outside of this city again. Some part of me was made for it, and I feel most myself when I’m following that truth. I believe it is God in me, leading me on. I have been most blessed with a beautiful family to go with this time (a first!!), a handful of such dear friends, and a broad and robust community of support. We are so full, and so aware of His goodness to us. And so, leaving is also full of hope and life and good reminder of HIS grace. 

Some pics of our journey... 

































Comments

  1. UnknownMarch 31, 2018 at 4:05 PM

    Ashley....You bring such a beautiful clarity to the humanness in sorting out the emotions surrounding your transition into this next season with all of its fluctuation of flesh and Spirit. I’m inspired by your family’s obedience to Christ, as He sends you out as ambassadors, making a plea on His behalf in Myanmar. Oh, the joy of knowing you have been dispatched by the King of all creation...in power and
    for His purposes yet to be discovered. God bless you, and your family, precious woman. The peace of Christ as you travel. ❤️

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